Bah! I slipped up!

I feel like I am playing Chutes and Ladders sometimes. I slipped up on Mothers Day (Day 21 of the Whole 30 diet) and the trap door opened up beneath my feet. I am writing about it here for the same reasons I am doing my sewing blog on wordpress-its got more future potential should I want to take it that far.
I don't think I will keep this blog going-but who knows. The blogosphere is dotted with my markings it seems:)

Crab Apple Tree and me

Day 20. I have concluded that I can take photos of myself (or have them taken) and not feel shy about sharing them.

I wish that I was actually ready for the photo-I had just finished a sprint/walk around our 2 acres when I decided to hang out at my favorite spot-the crab apple tree. Its a very cool and shaded spot and even on the worst of day of summer heat, its an amazing refuge.  The wind was blowing alot yesterday and I wanted a picture before it blew the blossoms off entirely.

I have wondered for a long time if crab apple was not related to rose. I don't know if you can see close enough if you click but check it out:

The leaves are nearly identical (I know you can't see them) and the flowers are similar to wild (and prairie) rose. Its fruit is similar to rose hips as well.  I know I can look it up-just haven't bothered to yet.

At anyrate, I enjoyed a warm day out in the sunshine-I am avoiding gardening because I want my hands to look marvelous for a job interview tomorrow-so I am using this time to pamper myself a bit. I went through a healing crisis of sorts last week-in a lot more pain than before but its seems to have subsided.

I continue to stick to the program and feel better about it today than I did the day before. Each day brings less challenges and I accept that there will always be something that tempts me away from my own good health.

I hope this post finds you well!

Day 17

I wanted to not count down to day 30 but it seems that I am getting impatient. I wanted a bowl of cereal yesterday or oatmeal or toast,  which I enjoyed in the past sometimes for dinner. I was actually a little upset that I couldn't have something so simple. I had leftovers which I wasn't in the mood for. I was tired. I didn't want to cook. Can't I just open the stupid pantry and pull something out and just eat it for once?!!! A silent mini fit.

However, when I went upstairs to change into pajamas, a glimpse in the mirror made me more determined. I am still overweight despite my weight loss and I don't like it. Being cranky however, I was a little bit more down on myself than I intended.
Reason? Stress. Stress= Carb Cravings-for me anyway. A discovery!

 I have an interview for a job-a job that I didn't realize my counselor applied for though she did ask me if I was interested and I said yes. It went in one ear and out the other for some reason. What happened was that I got a response. A response! 

 This is the second response in two weeks but the first one-document handler position-was an agency that, upon confirming my availabilty for an interview never bothered to make an appointment. Interestingly, this second response can lead to a similar position as the first one-document handler.

I feel good that my resume would get a response at all. I've been out of the workforce for so long that I expected it would be hard to be taken seriously so to get this much interest in such a short time is gratifying.

At anyrate, this second job sounds very promising except for one thing-the hours.  
I'd like to work those hours but I don't know how it will fit in with my lifestyle needs-i.e. doctors appointments for both me and my husband. I can manage mine I think but not his. Do I need to manage his? I don't know. I am "what iffing."

This question has kept me up at night because I don't want to short change an employer. Yet its not the thing to bring up at first interviews either.

 I am very happy to be interviewed-I would like the practice regardless of getting the job or not. And meeting people who might not want me for this job but could possibly keep me in mind for other work-thats invaluable.

I am going to spend today on inner reflection and focus on what comes up. I can possibly have my job counselor negotiate but I am not sure that I am going to disclose things to the company just yet.

What would you do?

Day 16

Its been uneventful except that I was craving gum. Infact I have been craving it for awhile which is odd since I rarely actually chew it. Instead of worrying about it, I visit my trusted and lovely spruce tree and take a couple of needles to eat. I don't see things like spruce, pine or other foraged goodies on the no-no list. lol.

The above photo was taken last year-our tree hasn't got its cones yet this year. Its one of my favorite trees and I visit it daily to admire it.

Evergreen needles taste like pine at first but as the flavors develop they end up tasting a bit citrusy to me. Its a lovely taste.

Also, I have cheated and weighed myself because I am sewing and my measurements seemed off the other day-I had to remeasure a couple of times and sure enough, I am dropping some inches. I knew my pants were loose but my bras are too:(
The only part of me not getting smaller actually is my waist!
I have lost 6 lbs! 8 if I consider that I had been working on eating more Paleo for about two weeks prior to seeing my funtional doctor-I had lost 2 lbs before that visit and the Whole 30 diet.

I was doing my walk and sprint routine the other day and ended up pretty sore. To that, add a fall I took because my Dansko shoes-the most comfortable I own-are not flexible enough to handle a rock on the grass. I went forward, broke my fall with my hands and then landed on my knees, not on the grass-that would of been too good. I landed on the gravel path just next to the grass which of course triggered my knee pain. The same day but earlier, I twisted my ankle on a part of the property that has a hidden man made four inch wide ditch.
All up, I have decided  that until I heal a bit from the pain of being battered on Day 14, I will ride my stationary recumbant bike which is not my idea of fun.

It might sound insane considering my pain level and I know its not necessary or even recommended for the Paleo lifestyle-I want to run. I have always been on track team as a youth-I have done alot of cross country too. That was a long time ago but my body seems to be craving this type of action and I am by far a more productive runner than a walker. Walking really does hurt my feet and hips for some reason and running doesn't.

I have asked two of my friends if they would care to try to train for a marathon and both declined-not because they were uninterested but because they couldn't fathom it. One is ill and can't see past her chronic pain which I understand and the other just doesn't want to which is fine.

I miss being a runner. I told myself that if I ever got better I'd take it up running.  That is still a goal for me.

What role does excercise play in your life? Do you do the Grok thing or the more traditional gym rat type of workouts? What do you like to do?

Day 11 and 12

The 11th-
A not so good day-I woke up in a bit more pain than usual which was very discouraging as this way of eating is a last ditch effort before going on some heavy medications.
However, I have a local friend who has been on this diet on and off for Lymes disease. She suggested that perhaps my body was detoxing-I had felt it initially on an emotional level and a pain in collar bone but the way I feel now  is probably more like it. I am a laste bloomer after all!
 I also think that the stress doesn't help-its quite toxic on its own!

My appetite is way down so I am having trouble with eating enough but thats okay too. I think that I have lost some weight but I am not supposed to get on the scale again till day 30.

Day 12-nothing really to report-appetite continues to stagnate.  I ate  small portions yesterday. For dinner I ate a liver, beef and raspberry chilli (God sent this recipe to me.) I chopped lambs liver for this but it calls for ground liver. I had about a two cup serving of a smoothie.  A good breakfast of sauteed greens and hard boiled eggs.

I have an appointment with my jobs counselor this morning and have to do some shopping but I will start today with a bit more of that chilli and hope to be back home in time to eat a good lunch to get back on track here. Even a salad with a protein will do-must stop the smoothie habit!

Cravings of late have been rice. Sweet simple rice. I wonder if I will ever be able to eat it again? I will be reintroducing some foods at the end of this initial period so it will be interesting to see what happens.  I don't seem to be missing breads so much as I thought I would. Dairy isn't a big deal anymore either. Sugary flavors are missed but I can eat dates so its okay now.

Burn that junk food down! Day 10

Yesterday was a bit stressful overall so I was proud of myself for staying on the diet. It wasn't easy! To top things off, Garry brought home a favorite food of mine-a pizza! He had picked it up in a restaurant and it was in a cardboard box. Unbeknownst to me, he put it in the oven. I never do that unless we are eating it right away!
So when I decided to broil my buffalo burgers instead of bbq or pan fry-I preheated the oven without looking. Within minutes, I could smell toasted marshmallows! Looking around, I found smoke billowing out of the ovens vent. What the?!!!!

Garry managed to pull the pizza out of the oven and out the door while I got water to douse the flames. He burned himself a bit and the kitchen still smells of smoke. He was miffed but then I thought that it served him right-bringing pizza (hands down my favorite food!) into a Whole 30 home like that.

I would not feel the same if he got hurt or if the fire was out of control.

So that is one way to deal with a spouse who brings home junkfood and won't eat Paleo! lol

Day 9

I just couldn't bare being in the kitchen so I opted out of eating much.  That left me with cravings. I would of eaten a whole cake if it were presented to me. I did eat but not in the same way as the other days-just not interested. And that is okay as I didn't eat sugar to compensate because there is nothing of the sort around here. That meant that eyed the Swiss cheese and the bread. But I refrained.
That is the advantage of living in the boondocks though-I wasn't going to go to town to buy a chocolate as its a 30 minute drive.

I have an issue that I think is common though-my spouse eats alot of good food but because he tends to be starving all the time the bulk of his diet is breads. Some breads I can do without like the English muffins which I think smell like stale yeast no matter how fresh they are. But  other breads can be sooooo tempting!

My husband has liver issues so his protein count needs to be carefully tallied-he needs it but too much of it and his liver can't clear the ammonia out of his blood which leads to bouts of dementia. I think he would do great on a modified Paleo diet-one that allows him to eat grains to help him gain weight but also to keep him filled up. If I put a slab of ribs in front of this man he'd eat every last  bite and not share-he is definitely a carnivore! But balance is so important here!

While my husbands medical condition might be unique to us-having a spouse who doesn't want to give up breads as a dietary staple isn't.  He eagerly awaits the next apple pie or the rhubarb scones which I just don't want to bake right now.
He thinks I am insane to even try to do this diet. Once upon a time I thought all you Paleos out there were insane as well, so I relate. But I think he would feel better in the long run if he tried it himself if he got rid of the bread as filler.

Have you found a way to get your spouse interested in eating better? Have you come across a "modified Paleo diet"? Link? Information?

Food on the Run

First of all, my new blog is now up though not running necessarily. I had a name for it then found out that there was somebody with that name and nearly the same address so today I changed the address and name to Simple Seams and so far haven't found anybody on wordpress with that name or address so lets hope that google doesn't spit something out tomorrow so that I can get down to business already.
As always, all the good names are taken. At any rate…..

Day 8 went alright. We were not out long enough to eat the packed lunch I made first thing in the morning  but we ate it at home.  Here is what I packed:

I boiled 3 eggs and made a strawberry, banana, avocado and spinach smoothie (Whole 30 doesn't recommend the use  of smoothies, preferring that we chew our food, but for a breakfast on the run its just going to have to work.)  I had 2 eggs and Garry one-he had toast before we left. We each had a smoothie.
Then for lunch the salad (we each had our own) with avocado again and a Tanka Bar. Now Tanka isn't on the approved Whole 30 as far as I know. Its a nitrate free jerky and free of sugars  and is gluten free. The buffalo meat is free range.  Its a from a  traditional Native American pemmican recipe and the company is a tribal one so I like to support them.

Dinner was a leg of lamb with potato and carrots and spinach salad again. We are working on eating more greens as my husband is now low on magnesium and taking a huge amount of supplements for it so we are trying to also make sure he eats more food sources of the  mineral. I need it too-as we all do.

Yesterday I read some Paleo lifestyle horror stories regarding how people have gotten very sick on the diet. I am not sure how that works-it doesn't seem to be a healthy diet to me at the outset either  but I am not eating such a low carb version of that diet. I was warned by my doctor simply not to gorge on fruits because I am working on controling a sweet tooth and that is fair enough. But fruits are not forbidden.

I tended  not to eat that much fruit  before actually and thought I was doing okay with sugar but I had noticed that the maple syrup we tapped and had the Amish process had a huge impact on my blood sugar-much more so than processed sugar which I only ate if I bought a commercial product that use it. I guess I just didn't feel a need to eat fruit under those conditions and now I am very happy to enjoy it though I am not gorging.

I still don't think that very low carb is healthy for a person but I repeat-I am not eating low carb in the sense of no carb-plenty of complex carbs but no processed ones and no grains is not really low carb is it? I mean that as more than rhetorical-what do you think?
I really miss popcorn this morning. There is nothing quite like it in the vegetable kingdom. lol.

Day 7

Day 7 was yesterday and it went well. I was able to co-ordinate meals in between a trip into town. I now can go past the bakery in the stores and not do more than a cursory glance. The reason for this is that I am not hungry enough to be tempted to buy something to eat in the car.

Make no mistake! I would love a donut!
But if we go through all of this emotional/physical withdrawal and last more than  a couple of days then isn't it worth it to engage that iron will? While there might be pain the gain is there too. So try to focus on the gain!

I do beleive we all have stronger will than we know because I think that its a part of how our species survived. I was thinking this morning as I made my sugarless coffee once again that will power is trumped by cravings not by our own minds. Its withdrawals. Why we get addicted might be more important than why we cave in.

Today, I was going to count the days left on this diet but I decide that it didn't matter. If this is lifechanger and I am to stay off of certain foods then its for the rest of my life to a degree. Instead I am counting up-how many days did I stay on the Whole 30? I am hoping that it will be 30 days.

I can report that my digestion is imporving with the combination of probiotics and Triphala. I can report that I am not entirely pain free but I was at a level 10 and up every waking moment before this diet. I would say that when I am in pain the pain might be closer to a 7 and that I spent half of yesterday with even less pain than that. That is substantial to me!

My jeans are sliding off at the waist but I have not lost weight-my starting weight was 182 btw (with clothes on at the doctors office). I am 180 with less clothes on.
More importantly though, I am less depressed. I am feeling positive in general. There are other aspects to this improvement but I do believe that I am not being bogged down by the sugar demons that tend to control my moods. I also beleive that probiotics are doing a great deal of good.

I am going on a day full of appointments and shopping. I will be going out prepared and will talk about that challenge tomorrow.
I hope you are having a wonderful day!

Day 6! Learning to run

A bit of mish mash post!
I'm still alive as you can guess.
 I had a couple of very busy days but I survived them. On day  4 I had to be in town and didn't end up taking food with me. My appointments ran later than anticpated to I went to the co-op for lunch which meant a salad bar and hard boiled eggs. No oil to be found and so I just did vinegar and salt as a dressing. Not bad.

Today is day 6 and I woke up feeling less pain. I actually began to notice it  yesterday when I took Molly for a walk.  I managed to sprint!  Walking still hurts but I discovered a while ago that if I have some spare energy and chose to gallop rather than stride, I could ease into a run/sprint and it felt much much better than "gentle" walking and so I have tried to build up my endurance in this way-nearly every walk I take my dog on invovles me at least galloping for a few seconds.


Also noted since the last post-small  meals work fine for me if they are actually meals however it got me back into grazing more which meant that I felt somehow dissatisfied on some level. This is a "know thyself" moment. I realized that if I had my way I'd be eating chocolate and cookies in no time just out of bad habit. Having quite smoking once upon a time, I recognized where this was heading and so decided against it. Diet rule or not, we have to be responsible for ourselves.
My compromise as of now however is that  I decided to have smaller main meals and to leave room for snacks if needed. That way I don't feel stuffed to the gills (I do feel that I must eat the entire plate!) but I am getting adequate nutrition. Perfect.

I have somewhat lost my craving for breads. I am tolerating my coffee with a shot of coconut milk. I am appreciating fats. And it may well be an illusion but I believe that my thighs are looking thinner and with less cellulite. One other possible illusion but I believe that my finer wrinkles are disappearing.

An update on the other blog-my job counselor  has warned that if it becomes more about my personal beliefs it could work against me. She suggested that I focus on a single skill  that I already have or want to improve on and  which my writing can be assessed should an employer care to look. Its not the variety so much as the ability to write and explain concisely.

And so I have started another blog about sewing  in the sense of living simply. A simple wardrobe, simple home things, simple mending. The Simple Seamstress over at Wordpress. I will definitley bring the link on over here soon. There is one post up-an introductory one that I hope to refine some more. I will take the other blog down because yes, it was going to be about personal political and beliefs-I just can't help it!
 Why do I do this? Because I am addicted to blogging apparently!
P.S. the Labels to this post include the word "asparagus"-a spell check error? I can promise that no asparagus lost its life in this post.

Day 4-Recommendations vs. Rules

I have been reading bits and pieces about the Whole 30 diet because I don't have any of the books. The idea of eating 3 meals a day sounded easy enough-I thought that I would be freed from being in the kitchen making snacks for one thing.
As it is so far though, eating 3 large meals a day is not something that I enjoy doing as it gives me stomach issues. Not upset stomach so much as the feeling of being way too full all the time.  I am not talking about being satisified so much as having the feeling of too much food sitting in the digestive tract.
I am taking probiotics so that is one thing and I am awaiting the arrival of a couple of other supplements I had to order online to help my stomach lining so that is another.
But yesterday, I had to decide to eat less. I ate 2 large meals-one in the morning, one in the evening. I ended the day with a handful of nuts because I did feel satisfied by dinner but got a little hungry just before bed.

And I woke up feeling full.

So reading about the recommendation to eat 3 large meals and no snacks, the keyword is "recommendation" as opposed to "rule". I  will be on the run a bit of this morning so I will have a good breakfast before I go. I will then endeavor to pack a small meal for lunch and then resume a dinner.
Tomorrow however, I am going to try to do mini meals if I have the time as I will be home.

For a snack to be approved it has to be a mini meal-a protein and a vegetable. Not just an apple or a few carrot sticks. That is the information that I was missing.
I do believe that having 3 meals a day will be ideal for me once my stomach is in good shape and it will be convenient if I do land a job so that will be a goal but for somebody like me, its just too much food all at once. I do have a shorter colon after all!

In other news….I bought a knife! I will write about it soon-I need to play with it a little first. I also just need to hem the dress I was sewing and it will be a finished project.

Day 2 of the Whole 30 diet

I struggled a bit yesterday.  I had focused on buying the same amount of vegetables and meats that we buy for our regular diet and thought that this would be adequate. It nearly was but not quite enough.
Added to that, I don't like to eat 3 times a day. Twice a day with snacks is good for me.

But I am still working on rethinking that-this diet is supposed to be about change not compromise so I am trying very hard to do it the way its meant to be done.

Breakfast: curried vegetables, poached eggs and an orange
Lunch: left over soup and a hard boiled egg with an almond stuffed date appetizer (not sure if that was acceptable or not)
Dinner: Cashew chicken stir fry

I am sick of eggs though in trying to be positive, I do appreciate them a lot.

Yesterday, I felt absolutely awful. I was crying all day on and off and yet didn't really feel depressed, just sad. My body ached in places it has never ached before-my collar bones for Gods sake! My neighbor came over to cheer me up and in relaying all of this to her I realize it was what the doctor warned me about.
 I don't feel especially excited about anything so I am trying to find things that interest me in order to do them, as a distraction but also in the hopes that "desire" will return by way of accomplishment and ideas.

I am sewing a dress. Issues with my current wardrobe vs. my job search have come up but I will write this on the other blog in the next day or so. I have a handful of apple wood disks that I will carve into rings. Finally going out to get a general survival knife from the hunting store today. I have decided that all women should have one.
I will write about things as I get excited about them. Not going to turn this blog into a "what I ate today" blog entirely as I don't actually sit around dreaming about food preparation all day.

Day three begins now.

Whole 30 Day 1

The website states that this diet is a life changer and I believe them. But the proof is in the off limits pudding so let me start.

Morning-black coffee
 I am fortunate to be able to  buy fresh roasted, organic and fair trade coffee that I grind myself at the co-op.   We have a roasting company locally that adds flavors to the beans and I was pleased today to find that those flavors are really there-I can actually taste them! The cream and the maple syrup that I added every morning disguised the flavors so I always wondered what the big deal was. I do miss the wake up shot of intense sugar (it takes very little maple syrup to sweeten coffee) and cream but there you have it.

Breakfast: purple sweet potato hash and nettles, sorrel and chive omlete
The sweet potato hash was a simple dish as was the omlete. Our chives are just now taking off and the sorrel is just appearing as is the nettles so I didn't have a lot of it to add.

Lunch: Salad (cucumber, celery), one boiled egg, guacamole

Dinner: Creamy tomato chicken soup-similar to this
And I did have a snack- Monkey Salad

Difficulties- I'm still learning the ropes-I spent all day wanting a banana and thought it was off limits then found the above recipe and double checked my information. Bananas help to make me feel full. I'll talk more about fruit-its allowed but its also allowed unders certain conditions-i.e. having it with a good protein not as a snack.

Ease: The diet allows for alot of great vegetables and spices.  I love variety in vegetables so this is a big plus for me. Portions are not an issue but I will say that eating alot more is important to take up the space bread has had  in my usual diet.

The diet is not a huge challenge once the information is absorbed-that is actually the part that is hard. A great thing that came up on the Whole 30 forum is that canned coconut milk (if there are no added ingredients) can be diluted to make a coconut milk similar to the one that is bought in milk cartons and can be used in coffee.

I also found out today that dates are just fine-but again, with the snack issue being discouraged I can't see where it would fit in exactly just now. I was a grazer so I do have some leeway according to the rules-it can take time to harness that habit into 3  decent sized meals a day. I nearly made it today but I could tell that I didn't have nearly enough calories in me. I need to work on that.

Personal tip-when the going gets tough-go do something to take your mind off of it. I went out and planted lily bulbs and began a redesign of my outdoor seating area. That kept my mind off of food.

I was told by my doctor that the first 2 weeks are likely to make me feel pretty sick as I withdraw from some of the foods thought to be bothering my body. I don't know if I am feeling it already or not-I do have an upset stomach today.
I do want a chocolate. Or cereal.

Whole 30 begins tomorrow

As the title suggests, I will be starting the Whole 30 diet tomorrow. I saw the functional medicine doctor two days ago and he convinced me to prepare for the diet so that I don't end up starving myself like I always do when I try to do something this drastic.
I have no issues with will power so I will starve rather than eat the wrong thing.  I have tried in my busy life to get all the foods  that I need for a few days and to take mental notes of the foods that are around that are off limits. I'm drinking my last cup of coffee with cream and maple syrup until further notice as I type. I can drink coffee but only black which might mean that I will forgo it. I don't know yet.

As to the medication, I do have a lower dosage but because we are trying to figure out what foods are the irritants I have decided to wait until I get some results from the diet before trying out the medication.  That one higher dose that I took at the last writing literally only wore off yesterday-the pain began to set in suddenly in the evening!

One of the things about the doctor was that he was able and willing to look past the Fibromyalgia diagnosis to try to get to the core of the problem. He asked me lots of questions, including ones pertaining to emotional reactions to my health history. I wasn't entirely comfortable admitting to not being as strong on the inside as I have pretended to be over the years but it had to be done.

From previous medical tests and records, we know that I was diagnosed with "mild Hashimotos" which is an auto immune disease that targets the thyroid. We know I am hypothyroid and we know that I have a nodule on said thyroid-which is being watched.

And this is the focus right now. What it means to be on Whole 30 is to be on a Paleo type diet but with more restrictions initially-no almond crusted, honey drizzled fruit tarts for example:( , no grains and no pseudo grains. For 30 Days a person avoids processed foods so very little convenience type of snacks. Its quite strict.

But what it means to have Hashimotos is no grains. Period. For life. I have not looked at the full diet but fellow knitter on ravelry talked about having this disease and I always was afraid I did too because of how strict she had to be with her diet.
Ah well…..its just food.

At any rate, I begin tomorrow, and will endeavor to post my experience and foods just to keep track and keep me inspired. I will need support. I will need ideas for cooking or life stories regarding any of the topics in this post.
Inspire me!

Fibromyalgia Pain Relief

The conventional approach:

Yesterday, for the first time in at least 4 years,  I experienced the bizarre feeling of not being in pain.
 It took me awhile to realize what was happening to me….I had started a new medication the day before and already knew that I couldn't take it again at that dosage due to side effects that felt like I often did when I was on chemotherapy including the insomnia that plagued me during that awful time.

Somehow through the haze created by all of that,  I realized that something was missing-the pain! I didn't trust what I was feeling so I tried to do some stretches and other mobility tests to see if this was for real or not. Indeed-it was.

I will be talking to my doctor about getting  a lower dosage then building it back up to this dosage because I have read that these side effects will go away after awhile but I am hyper-sensitive to meds and I'm afraid that it will take me awhile longer than the norm to adjust. I also don't want to start meds to take care of the side effects of this med-that is the vicious circle that has kept me away from solutions like this.

My point in writing however is not to complain about side effects. Its to declare that  there is world out there for me that doesn't involved the kind of pain I have been living with! I nearly felt empty without it for a minute,  however, I am not going to miss it.

I just hope that there are lower dosages available as I have a busy week of driving to vocational rehab meetings ahead of me. I'd like to be able to be painfree and independent of having somebody driving me. I hope thats not too much to ask.

The not so conventional approach

I will report back as to the results but tomorrow,  I have an appointment with a functional medicine doctor who has a good reputation in this area for getting the core of health issues. His main therapy is dietary so I am anxious to see what he will recommend. I am told he relies on the Whole 30 diet and supplements but we shall see.  I could use his input for sure.

I have been trying to read more about pain as newer findings are emerging as to what causes it-its not often been the most understood of medical conditions. There is hope out there outside of opiates (which btw barely worked in comparison to this new non narcotic medication I started). Its just about finding the right approach and the right medical professionals who will work together.

Putting together a portfolio

To continue on with the job search-as I am looking for work as a peer counselor, my own job counselor has suggested that I begin to think about teaching life skills to others. He looked at my real life experience, my life style and my health situations and found things of value there. Its kind of hard to think that what I do by rote is something others have no idea about.

He told me that I would be surprised to find out how many people couldn't hem a pair of pants, know how to dress appropriately for interviews, basic gardening, cooking, budgeting,  and other self sufficiency skills.

So I decided that even though I am not at all ready to teach anything to anybody right now, I am going to get ready to do so in the future.  I am  starting to gather my thoughts on this now while I have a bit of  unemployed time on my hands.

To that end, I naturally thought of an online portfolio of sorts-a blog. lol. One that isn't as personal or eclectic as this one is. I decided to keep this one going and will direct readers from here to there as appropriate-per article. I hope that makes sense. I am not always great at keeping two blogs at once but this is a bit different. Content for the other blog is going to be put together in a far less spontaneous way than this blog-it will require time and effort so it will likely only be a once a week thing.

The new blog is on wordpress as I find that it looks much more professional and its simple enough to migrate to a paid site with the same company when I am more organized. Its still a personal blog-peer counselors are hired on the merit of their life experience after all-there is no shame in admitting to things like depression and anxiety or other human feelings provided that they are being dealt with in a positive way.

However its still a portfolio and so I will be more selective about content there. Its a work in progress now but  I am providing a link if anybody is curious. I am relearning the wordpress application-its changed a little bit since many years ago when I had a blog there.
The name is Act Two: Life
Wish me luck on it.

Stay At Home Mom and Homesteader Going Back To Work

Its scary. I spend time being excited and anxious. Some of me wants to back down and find another hole to hide in. Thats how it feels to decide to re-enter the work force after so many years away. I don't believe my fear is uncommon actually. The world changed while I raised my kids. I spent time being very ill. Then we bought the farmette and that took a chunk of dedication too. Kids off to college and on their own now and a husband that needs my caretaking skills too but I am ready to be a part time worker and part time caretaker. My skills may or may not have become obsolete. It just depends on what I am looking to do with my life now.

I can say that I have no choice but I began the process before my husbands accident led to the complications that have brought us to yet one more frightening economic crisis. We will survive because that is what we do but this time, I want to see the process as something positive.

I began this blog with the intention of talking more about spiritual issues and while I still am interested in doing so, I have decided to play possum a bit on that topic  to a degree because of the job search. That made it a little awkward to have this particular blog and I wasn't inspired to write because I had a plan for my writing but once again it got side tracked by life. Lol.
 I think I get it now, okay? 

Rather than drop blogging altogether I am going to document my process of re-entering the work force as a handicapped person who is going to be 53 years old and whose education and experience is on the eclectic side.
The flip side of this coin is that because we are in a pickle financially once again, we will be economizing a bit at home and because of the health issues we will be dealing alot with diet and herbs.
Add to that the fact that we still have a homestead and are still very intersted in living green and wholesome…..

So what does this look like? 
I will be writing about the things that I hope will benefit others who are in the same or similar  boat as myself, re-entering the workforce, exploring our life skills and becoming a strong and postive person. I think that we get lost in taking care of others and our land so that we don't tend to the deeper details of ourselves sometimes.
I will also be writing a bit about those life skills gained as a mom, artist, craftsperson, homesteader, herbalist, etc.-because as a future peer counselor, I will be called upon to show and tell these skills at times. I am good at these things and so it will help me to write them out. These skills are varied-from how to dress for a job interview to canning and mending and saving money on groceries.

I am curious as to whether readers have felt the same anxiety that I have felt at re-entering the workforce? If you do go back to work after a long hiatus, what kind of job do you hope to land?

Creating Things

I cannot live without some creative time every single day. I know that some people can't find the time to do things like that but I have found through experience that if I don't make the time I begin to wither away on a soul level.  Here are some of the ongoing things I do:

I got the idea of this weaving from Jude Hill at Spirit Cloth. One day I would like to take a class with her if I can dedicate the time! I also was told by a friend to surround myself with hearts to remind me to come from love at all times-love thy enemy. So I began this project and then put it away because I am inclined to have too many ideas all at once!


For me, creativity means doing something by hand and sometimes I differentiate between art and craft while other times I don't.

I am not sure what this will be….table cloth? Curtain? Blanket? For whom? But I did like the idea of the colors and I adore working with thread. However as it gets bigger, the rows get longer and I get more impatient so I am trying to work through that!

And then there is the "paint/draw in 20 minutes or less" idea that I launched over the last few weeks. I have had a very hard time getting back into art since both my dad and my husband have nearly died in the last months but I am trying to at least do something every couple of days. I have focused on trying to get more and more abstract:

The colors on this are not accurate and no, its not finished. Watercolor ground with pastels. I have enjoyed thinking about birch trees lately-we drove around the state last week and into Chicago where birch trees are ancient and abundant. I was able to observe them by walking among them in the park district of that city where I think they might be under appreciated.

I will not have time for a few days to create unless I steal a few moments and I will be doing that. Its that important to me.
Have you taken time to create? What are you working on?

Forest Garden Inventory

The forest garden in summer of 2014

I was trying to remember what I have planted and what is volunteering in the forest garden since I didn't want to uproot anything. The picture above is  a little painful to look at if you are used to having tidy lawn with rows of petunias but to me, it announced success!
On each side of the image is a pole bean plant that I grew on trellis's as I want to phaze out annuals. The rest is Queens Annes Lace-I haven't eaten it yet as I am not sure at what stage its edible. When I pull it, I smell carrot-which makes sense as this is the grandmother of that particular vegetable.

Here is a list:
Pear
Peach
Blueberry
Sea Berry
Goji Berry
Violet
Walking Onion
Jerusalem Artichoke
Kiwi
St. Johns Wart
Asparagus
Nettles
Chamomile
Groundnut
Horseradish
Rhubarb
Witch Hazel
purslane
Lambs Quarters

I feel like I'm missing something but I'll soon find out if that is true.
By far the biggest challenge for us is how weedy the area can get in no time. Here is a long shot of me picking pole beans just to show you what happens on our land if we ignore it.

I guarantee that the weeds won't go away. Infact I can write an entire post on them alone and why they should stay. I might when I can take photos. Stay tuned.

My Forest Gardens First Year Pictures

The pictures here are not organized in any particular way but I wanted to show where we left off last year after an initial planting frenzy. This will help me think through what needs to be done this spring and summer and hopefully show readers that a "forest garden" can be anything that fits into a persons land, lifestyle and dietary needs. I am not strict at all about the rules myself at this time. 

This is the space I began working on last year. We fenced it off to keep out the chickens. The tree at the back in the center is a black walnut tree and it produces alot of the nuts! The tree on the left is a spruce and I use the tips for tea or to add to cookies. I hope to be able to collect pitch eventually too. The rockery on the right front is actually further away than it looks. That is my herb garden.

When I talk about having weeds, this is what I mean. The frame here is the roof of a gazebo I used to use to garden in the shade but the wind finally destroyed the legs so now the roof is a frame that we will use as a hoop house some day. What is growing on purpose here is berries-seaberries and goji. Seaberries should do well. Goji? Not sure-I hear lots of contradictory information on zones for that one. We shall see. 

This is towards the front of the forest garden. My husband wanted to contain the weeds so he built a frame for the rhubarb-a perrenial in our area. You see a peach tree and in the center is the chamomile that I am naturalizing. Chamomile reseeds itself but its anybodies guess as to where the seeds will land and grow. I only know that I will have chamomile in the vicinity again.  

We also built a raised bed for asparagus. This is to the right if you look at the top picture. This also divides the "forest garden" with the annual one my husband is in charge of (tomato cages to the left of the pictures. We expanded the fencing. We then planted basil in the cinder blocks-not sure that it was the best way to go-the basil thrived but its growth was stunted. 

This is actually at the back right corner of the fence and its Walking Onion-a plant that was on our land when we got here but in an odd spot so I transplanted some of it here. Walking Onion propagates by bending its seed heads down to the grown and dropping them in a new spot-thereby traveling all over a property in time. We eat the greens and the bulbs. They are perrenial to our area. 

I think that I will try to use my husbands GoPro to document this project rather than using photos as its a little hard to orient people without a map of what is happening. There is much more planted in the area and I am even expanding into the annual garden area because my goal was to have food even as we are too old to garden in the future. To that end, I'd like to phaze out most annuals over time. 

I was outside cleaning up the garden yesterday after a long winter and I noticed how easy it was to actually tidy up in comparison to an annual garden! That is an added bonus to me. 

I welcome your comments on this project and your advise! What to do with such prolific weeds? 

Perpetual Onions

These spring onion roots were replanted in our kitchen in Chicago a couple of years ago as an experiment because I had read that they will regrow up to 5 times. I think that most grew 3 times in the planter and one grew 4 and another 5 times.  Not bad.

Ever since then, I have grown spring onions in this way. I buy them in a store and cut off the roots and replant them. I do this because I have poor luck with onion seeds.

I will be using some older photos for a few posts as somehow, I have lost a set of rechargable batteries so had to remove them from my camera to use on my keyboard. I will have to purchase more rechargeables next time I am in town.
Still catching up after being away for a week so bare with me please:)

Away and Back

I didn't have time to write that I was going away for a week to see both children-one in each direction (North and South) for their 22 nd birthdays.
We got back last night (today is their actual birthdate) and boy are we both thrilled to be hear! It was alot of driving and sitting around which is surprisingly exhausting.
So we are back to the routine of life. We left and the grass was brown. Now its green. I will be outside exploring today and perhaps will have things to say tomorrow.
See you then.

Beauty Bath Salts

Making products at home is super easy and it allows for complete customization. The jar above is a bottle of epsom salts, enhanced with essential oils that I use for both beauty and for therapeutics. I have added drops of lavender, frankincense and patchouli oils. I didn't write the recipe down in exact amounts  but will in the future as this turned out to be a lovely scented product that works wonders on dry winter skin and aching muscles.  The bottle above is actually for foot baths-to which I add about 3 Tablespoons to 2 gallons of water. For baths the recommended dosage of salts is 3 cups so I would recommend making the oils in a seperate bottle with carrier oil and then adding them as needed-but that is another story.

Epsom salts alone is a wonderful solution to cramping and achy muscles. You skin also absorbs the magnesium in the salts and that helps with any related issues that can be traced to minor deficiency.

Some of the benefits of the essential oils:

Lavender: calming, anti depressive, anti-bacterial, calms strains and sprains. Indicated in rheumatism and for sores.
Frankincense: Used in problematic skin including issues with aging, anti-inflammatory and calming
Patchouli: Excellent for dry cracked skin, is calming and grounding, uplifting

These three oils paired together made a wonderful combination that works extremely well for the dry, cracked heals that winter boots can give me and have helped a bit with the foot pain I have to live with.  I have listed only some of the benefis of these oils-they each have more to offer on many levels, including spiritual and emotional.

I am not an aromatherapist but its a hobby I like to play with. Always use safety recommendations when using essential oils.

What is your favorite oil? How do you use it?

Saltless Fermented Vegetables

This month, I have had to deal with some gut issues and under my gastro intestinal doctors request, I have begun to pay much more attention to my digestive system. mong other things, I have committed to eating fermented foods every day.
The month has been extremely hectic though so I began with store bought (the jars on the right in the photo) but each jar cost around 10 dollars. Both are high quality and locally produced so in a pinch, I don't mind splurging.

However, there is nothing easier than fermenting your own foods and drinks! I bought the Body Ecology Veggie Culture Starter awhile back when my husband was put on a salt restricted diet. I was pretty sure that there was no reason to use salt at all for fermenting but everybody and their uncle were telling me I was out of luck-that salt was crucial. I remembered reading a saltless recipe for fermented greens in the Wild Fermentation book though so I knew that there was more to fermenting than than adding salt.

A little research and I uncovered the starter and couldn't be happier.


In this Kim Chi flavored batch, I only have purple cabbage, carrots and burdock root and some flavoring.
First order of business is to shred the cabbage (I used 1.5 small heads), slice the carrot (about a pound) and burdock (one thick 12 inch root).
To a blender, I added 3 very large cloves of garlic, about 3 inches of ginger and a handful of the cabbage, carrot and burdock. I added about a cup of water and blended until smooth. I then added the Korean red pepper flakes and one packet of the starter culture and blended once more.
I also had some fluids left in each storebought jar so I added that to the blend too. I have never done this so we shall see what happens. Probably nothing except a slightly salted flavor.

I then poured this brine over the vegetables and covered it for an hour. This isn't mandatory but I like to let my ferments sit before putting into jars.
When transfering to the clean (sterile) jars, I used a  handful of the vegetables at a time and a pestle to crush the vegetables down.
In this method, the jars are sealed immediately and left to sit for 2-7 days. The instructions say the longer the better. I like my ferments on the crispy side which is why I make small batches.

 I highly recommend ferments in particular and will be doing more of them soon. Some of the reasons for eating/drinking them are commonly known but there are other reasons that recent research is uncovering that I would like to delve into more-such as how these frienly bacteria colonies actually affect mood and the function of the brain.
Stay tuned!

Curandera/Curandero classes-free

Well, I finally have a bit of time to write something! If you are not familiar with Coursera, please go check it out as there are lots of classes to choose from and all are free. They charge for certificates but most of the ones I have looked at are optional.

The class I am very excited to be starting in 3 days is the Curanderismo one. Official information with link to coursera is here. 
What is curanderismo and can you  become one by taking an online class?
Curanderismo is traditional Mexican folk medicine. It encompasses a wide array of tools to bring about a more holisitc mode of healing. If you watch the videos then you will get a good (better than mine:) explanation.
Can you become one with one online class? I doubt it highly but some of us have an inkling of our own abilities already and may find this path to be the one that is best suited to our beliefs and talents. I think that like anything else, finding a live teacher at some point is going to be crucial to moving forward.

I am taking the class because I feel that I was actually already raised in the methods and techniques. Both of my grandmothers had aspects of it and that is how we practiced our Catholicism. While we are not Mexican, we are descended from the Moors who have a heavy influence on curanderismo. And of course being Eastern Right Catholic helps.

I will actually be travelling the first few days of this class but I will do my best to do well until I can come home to a better study environment.

Healing

I believe that there are all kinds of healings and the methods that are used to try to direct healing are each to be respected. Infact its all the modes that have always held me fascinated.

Spending time in the garden, taking herbs or taking a walk on the beach are all valid. As is praying in church or meditating alone-turning to a friend or to a shaman/priest/healer-all of interest and all play a role. I think each culture has something to offer and I know that I have not mentioned every single thing available.

This is my personal blog however so lets narrow this down shall we? I personally would not jump from mode to mode to find the answers. While this can be necessary in order to find a good fit, I personally have found that being consistent is actually more powerful in my life than being armed to the teeth with options. I do not and will  not judge others who do so-its just not for me at this time in my life.

For example, I pray. I try to do so all the time. I was raised within a folkloric Catholic household and that included petitions to Saints. I still do this as the need dictates. However, on a daily basis, I stick to talks with what I loosly call God.

I also consider myself a shamanic practitioner who is a Christian. I suspect highly that John the Baptist was a shaman. I am studying the work of Ram Dass because his work has deeply practical applications in real life. And I have reverence for the Medicine Buddah. These are all in my arsenal of healing.

As to herbs-these are a huge part of my life and diet is important. Lifestyle is of great consequence in general so I try to meditate though I am not great at it and my life has not been especially conducive to it of late.  I try to get out in nature which has an instant affect on me. I do art.

And I see a therapist once a month to help me cope with life long anxiety issues. This is important to me as I need the coaching sometimes. Without my therapist, I may not have become brave enough to persue huge change with my vocational rehab counselor who in turn has also been able to help me find my direction. I also would not have been able to fathom such things had it not been  for my shamanic practice and the support of 2 key people within that community.
I am ont really good at seeking support in a community but that is my goal for the rest of the year. To take and to give it. I have been in an isolated place and while it has served its purpose, it has begun to feel permanent.

Some people write blogs about their daily external lives and I intend on doing that to a degree here. However I want to delve a little bit deeper into the spiritual part of life here on this blog-what I term "healing".
So there it is-the premise of the blog titled PrairieRose. Please do comment! I love interaction with readers as much as in real life.